Ugh.

So, besides all the other stuff we're dealing with these days, James got sick and went into the hospital on Saturday. It was the typical story. He had a cold/allergies which quickly developed into a cough and turned into serious asthma problems. Irene took him to the hospital Saturday afternoon and he was admitted and put in a room shortly after. He seemed to be doing well through the evening but didn't do well through the night and has never been let out of a hospital room before being able to go through the night without oxygen. So, he spent a second night, Sunday night. In the meantime, Rosemary was having similar symptoms with a runny nose which turned into a cough. Yesterday, Irene called to say they were about to be released. Rosemary hadn't slept well (which meant I didn't sleep well) and so we went to pick them up and were both a little cranky. As we were in the car waiting for James to officially be released, Rosie got really cranky, her cough got worse and then she fell asleep. We were still waiting when she woke up and started crying about how she didn't feel well and Irene and I decided to switch off. She came down to sit with Irene and I went up to wait with James. I was already starting to have fears about Rosie but had already set up a doctor's appointment. After getting to James's room, Irene called and asked if she should just take Rosie to the ER. I thought that would be best and that's what happened. So, we officially had two kids in the hospital at the same time on separate ends. It looked like Rosie was going to have to stay the night when, out of nowhere, she made an astounding recovery, from the way Irene explained it to me. Her mood improved, she started to eat and everything just got better. I went back and picked them up around 6:00 yesterday evening and we all went home. What a day! Thank God for astounding recoveries!

Job Accepted!

Texas was very, very good to me! I had 4 interviews last week while back home in the Lone Star State. All 4 schools wanted me to come work for them. What a blessing! In Huntsville, I interviewed for a head girls basketball position that would be a great job in a strong program but still a pretty tough teaching load (6 classes of a about 25/class). In the end, they really wanted me to come work there but gave the coaching position to someone else within the school and counter-offered with an assistant soccer coaching position. I am declining this position on the mere fact that I wouldn't be able to coach basketball and because I'm a little insulted to interview for a position like that and not even be offered an assistant basketball position. In Hempstead, I spent the least amount of time interviewing. That interview was only about 45 minutes long and was completely conducted in their library. They initially offered only assistant football and baseball positions but came back with an official offer that included assistant girls basketball. They were very cold and fairly inhospitable compared to the other schools I interviewed with. I declined their offer, as well. In Caldwell, I spent the better part of 2 hours interviewing and chatting with the athletic director in an office as well as while we toured the facilities. We got along really well and, as of today, I am the only coach he interviewed for their head girls basketball coach opening. The problem is, they don't have a definite Spanish teaching position open and were not able to get the Spanish teacher they have that might leave to make a decision. So, I am not able to wait around to see what will happen with that job even though it's the one I wanted the most. The fourth interview I had was in Franklin. Franklin is a 2-AA school just east of Bryan. They have a brand new campus for their 300 students. They have almost no discipline problems and the average class size is 15 students. I would also be teaching the upper levels of Spanish so my Spanish 3 and 4 classes would probably be even smaller than 15. Right now, I have a total of 215 students. There, I would probably be lucky to have 60. Also, being a brand new campus, it's also state-of-the-art technology in the classroom. On top of all that, I would be the JV girls basketball coach and also coach a second sport. I've accepted this job and am extremely excited to be there next year. Thanks to everyone for the thoughts and prayers!

The Job Hunt

So, I have 4 job interviews in the College Station area next week. I'm not nervous about the interviews themselves but a little anxious about the outcomes. I'm not a very patient person, in general and so it would really help out my peace of mind if I could come back from Texas with at least one job offer. I realized today that I'm interviewing at a 1A, 2A, 3A and a 4A school. That's not important but kind of interesting because I attended and have always worked at a 5A-size school. I think it will be interesting to see what it's like to teach and coach at a smaller school. Things will be even better if I can get an offer for a head coaching position. It might be a little rough going back to just being an assistant. Now, I have to play the waiting game for getting to the interviews.

Separation

So, it's strange the curve-balls that life seems to throw at people. Just when you feel pretty settled in to the way life is, the waters get stirred. At least, that's how it tends to happen for me. That's how it was a couple of years ago. I had finally gotten settled in to being a teacher and a basketball coach and just the everyday triumphs and challenges of life and we decided to move to Delaware. Then, after starting to settle in to the way things work here and making decision about what I need to do to make life work around here, another curve-ball. Now, the prospect of being a single parent back in Texas and being 1500 miles from my boys has definitely stirred the waters of my life. There's so much more to go with that. I'm praying that God will show me the way.

Change/Unknown

Looking for a new job is always a bitter/sweet ordeal for me. I always enjoy certain amounts of change. Those that have been around me for a certain amount of time know that I change the status of my facial hair on a regular basis. I've currently done two stints with a full beard over the last couple of months along with different variations of a goatee. When possible and practical, I like to periodically change the furniture around just to have a little different perspective. In many ways, I think change is good. What I don't enjoy as much is changing jobs and changing houses. That's what I'm facing right now. A lot of it, at this point, is the unknown. I'm not one for surprises. I like to know things ahead of time. I have been known, in the distant past, to find my Christmas presents before hand instead of being able to wait until Christmas day. That's just a part of my personality that I struggle with. Right now, I've applied for a head coaching position in Caldwell, TX. I think it would be an ideal situation but there are a lot of unknowns and variables that I'm considering and the simple fact that I have no idea whatsoever that I have a chance of being hired. Then comes the chore of finding an ideal place to live. I'm getting anxious for Spring Break so that I can maybe get a little closer to knowing how things are going to "pan out." I look forward to getting out of Newark High School. I'm tired of having over 200 students and very few resources. I'm tired of teaching 6 classes on top of my coaching duties. I'm tired of being in a place where I feel restricted in being able to do the things I'm capable of because of a system that is so broken. So, change will be good but it sure can be pretty scary for me, too.

Losing

So, in the last year, I've really had to get myself accustomed to losing. Since I took over as head coach in the middle of last year, my teams have gone 1-30. That's absolutely horrible!!! The last year I was in Texas, I coached a freshman team. Essentially, I took over all the coaching of this team from a woman that was pregnant and knew she would be leaving after just a few games. We ended that season 25-3 and we were 16-0 after I had taken over. Our whole program at Bryan was successful like that. I thing between all three teams that season, we were 75-13 and 33-1 in district play. It was great to be a part of that and really hard to come take over a program that has done almost nothing but lose. We actually, although only winning one game, could call ourselves more successful than last year even though we aren't winning. The game we won, we won by 20 over a team we only beat by 6 last year. At the end of the season, we have actually been competitive and have come within 10 points of teams that beat us easily the first time we saw them. One of my seniors that didn't start playing basketball till she started high school, has dramatically improved. In the first half of the season, she had very little production. In the last three games, she has totalled almost 25 points and almost 35 rebounds. Those are the things I'm proud of and those are the victories I claim. It still sucks to lose. These girls deserve to see more than improvement. They deserve to end a game with their score being higher than the other team's, just one more time. We have two more opportunities for this to happen.

Weighted

I'm feeling pretty weighted today. Do you ever have those days where you literally feel like there's weight just pulling your shoulders down? That's how I'm feeling. It's kinda hard to shake off. It doesn't help that my basketball team is now 1-18. We have done nothing but fight an uphill battle. Things are so weird here in Delaware. I just received an email today from my Athletic Director asking me to not get any more technicals this season. Attached to the email was the report filed with the DIAA (Delaware Interscholastic Athletic Association) by the official that gave me a technical in a game a couple of weeks ago. If I get another technical this season (the other was my first and only one so far) I will be suspended from the following game. It's a little bit ridiculous especially when the officials here are so horrible. Don't get me wrong, I know it seems like I'm complaining because I'm losing but that's definitely not the case. We lost a game about 3 weeks ago by 30 points but it was officiated well and I thanked those officials after the game. It's not about being "given" anything. It's simply about calling the game correctly. Anyway, that's not all that's bugging me. In fact, that's kind of minor in comparison but it sure doesn't help. I want to be able to shift this weight a little and I feel kinda helpless to do so. It's hard to deal with so many things at one time on an emotional level. It drains me.

Letting It Out

I know the title of this blog is what I've chosen to name the blog but it's appropriate to what's going on. For those that actually read this from time to time, this may be the week to keep up. There is definitely, right now, a proverbial "cat" in a "bag" and it's about to be let out. I don't know how this is going to go. I'm anxious and a little intimidated. It's life-altering! I just hope that when it comes out, it doesn't completely tear down everything around. In fact, when this is let out, a lot of you will begin to understand a lot of the posts over the last 6 months.

Losing sucks!!!

So, at the request of a friend, I have decided to finally update my blog. It's not been easy to get on here because there's so much going on. As you can tell from the title of this blog, basketball has not been going so well. We actually won our first game and won it by 21 points. Since then, it's not been pleasant. Our closest game was this past Friday where we lost by a mere 24 points. In Delaware, girls sports in public schools are at a real disadvantage. I knew that when I started but I'm really starting to see now to what extent it is. Here, private schools rule most sports, especially the girls sports. Two public school teams have not met in the state championship for girls' basketball since 1977. The middle schools in our school district don't even have athletics. Even if they did, I'm not allowed to go talk to them about coming to play basketball at our high school. This is very backwards compared to Texas. On the other hand, the private schools get all their girls from the youth programs and all have middle school athletics. Not only are they not restricted as far as a school district, they can have students come to their school from other states (Some of these schools are mere minutes from New Jersey and Pennsylvania). The talent that doesn't come up through their programs, they give scholarships so that they eventually end up in their programs. In a public school, I don't even have a budget. Everything that I think we need, I have to fund-raise in order to get the money for it. It's definitely an uphill battle that I'm fighting. If I'm going to turn things around, it's going to take time and a lot of work outside the season to try and build a foundation in downtown Wilmington among the girls that don't have the same advantages that the rich girls have. Of course, the good ones will end up at the private schools anyway. The task is a little bit daunting. Maybe I'll go teach/coach in Pennsylvania.

SNOW!!!!!!!!

So, there's not a lot of things that are better about Delware compared to Texas. But, I do really like the weather here. My students were amazed when I told them last year that I thought it was the first time I could remember seeing actual snow more than twice in the same season. It has snowed three times in the last week here. Today, there was a light covering of snow in our backyard and on our cars when we woke up. It has pretty consistantly snowed all morning. The only problem today is that it's barely down to 32 degrees. So, the snow that was on the ground has already melted even though the snow keeps coming down. Oh well, the people around here are saying it's a sign that we're going to have a "heavy snow" year. It apparently hasn't done that for a few years so they feel we're due.

And the wall falls down

So, have you ever built a wall out of those little wooden ABC-blocks? It's not exactly sturdy. So, once you get it up to a certain height, it doesn't take more than a stiff breeze to knock it over. You get it to that point and you're watching to make sure nobody comes to close cause it took you so long to build it and don't want it to fall over. After a while, though, you start looking at the wall and you start thinking about what it would take to make it fall. You figure out that all it takes to destroy the whole thing is to disturb one little block and the whole thing comes crashing down. After that, you knock over the rest of it and have to start over again. Last night, I disturbed one of my blocks. It was careless and now I get to start all over.

25 hours

It's just 25 hours till my departure to the "Big Apple." I'm anxious with anticipation. More than anything, I'll be really glad to take a 4-day holiday from my students that doesn't involve teacher in-service. I'm looking forward to basketball and great Asian food. I'm looking forward to getting places without having to actually drive. I'm even looking forward to doing a substantial amount of people-watching on the subway. I'm hoping to even find a place to watch the big Anderson Silva, UFC fight on Friday night. Maybe I'll even go to a museum and take in a little culture.

New York City!

I am totally jazzed about going to New York City this weekend. I'm taking a sick day (cough, cough) off from school and leaving as soon as I get out on Thursday. I get to play a bunch of basketball and sleep late a couple of days and just walk around and be a tourist if I feel like it. I'm not even sure what all I'm going to do. I've got Thursday night and Friday morning all booked up. From there, as long as I can still walk after all the basektball, it's totally up in the air. There are a few things I'm wanting to see but I don't know if I'll be able to fit it all in. I have until Sunday so I'm hoping to get most of it in. I might try to see a Broadway show but I know those can be a little pricey so that may not happen. Anyway, I'm really excited!

Friendship

I was just thinking today about making friends. It seems like there's two general kinds of people when it comes to this. There are people who make lots of friends. Those tend to be the people that are really nice and outgoing. They may have a few really good friends but, in general, they have lots of people that they communicate with on a regular basis or hang out with or something like that. Then there are the people who don't really go out looking for friends. They tend to have just a few really good friends and everyone else is more like an aquaintance they speak to when they are around them. I'm more like the latter of the two. I have a handful of what I call best friends that are actually more like my brothers. I talk to people at work when I'm at work but not really outside of work. I don't really know a whole lot of people outside of these few friends and the people I work with. It's been a little hard for me here, in Delware because it's the first place I've ever lived that I didn't have friends around that I could just call and go hang out with. I'm going to have to work on that.

1,000 lbs.

Right now, things aren't perfect in life. Not even close. The wonderful thing is, we have all of these people praying for us. I know they are because they tell us on a regular basis that they are praying for us. I don't want to stomp on that. We really need that. But right now, I just feel a little discouraged. Today, it feels like someone has dumped 1,000 lbs. on my back. All around, I have these people saying, "You don't have to take it very far," "We know you can do it!" "We're praying for you that you'll be able to hold it up!" The problem is, I'm holding 1,000 lbs. on my back. So, I'm told to give that weight over to God. So I'm praying to God, "Please, can you help me out here? I'm willing to carry a big load but 1,000 lbs. is definitely more than I can carry." No answer. In fact, it's like someone decided that they could go ahead and dump another couple of hundred lbs. on because, for some reason, they feel I'm pretty strong and I'll be able to carry that, too. The fact is, I'm being crushed. So, I'm praying with all of my heart that God will come along and take some of the weight off, that he'll provide some sort of miracle that will just give even a little bit of release. Nothing. I'm starting to feel like Job. I'm thinking, "I don't understand! I didn't do anything to deserve this!" Others are telling me exactly what went wrong and what I should do but the fact is, they're not helping! You see someone with a 1,000 lbs. on their back on TV and you wish you could help them and you can call them on the phone and say that you're praying for them or you're telling them to be careful but, in the end, you don't truly know what it's like to carry that weight until you've done it yourself! Pray for me!! Pray that God, like he did for Job, will turn things around. Pray that I will be patient. Pray that I will understand. Pray for someone who's having trouble praying for themself. Please, just pray.

Bogged Down

I'm feeling a little bogged down these days. I try not to complain too much about school but I'm really feeling punished by my workload. I currently have 220 students that regularly attend my class. That's not all the students that are actually listed on my roster. It makes for a pretty rough week. Last year was a little bit of a shock because I had right at about 200 students. My last year teaching in TX, I only had 99. Of the 200 students I had last year, only about 80% came to class regularly so that dropped me down to more like 160. Right now, 220 actually come to my class. It some respects, I hope that they don't stop coming. I don't want any of my students to fail but there are days when I will have 5+ students missing for a class and it's sort of a relief. It's also made the head coaching position a little more crazy because I have so much more to deal with because I do have that responsibility, as well. That's why, in TX, head coaches have a reduced class load. I could only dream of that happening for me here. In fact, we're probably going to hire another Spanish teacher for our school and they're not necessarily going to reduce the amount of students I have. The administration says that we should just be patient because we're going to get another teacher but the counselors have said that they will fill that person's classes first with all the students who wanted Spanish this year and didn't get it. If it's going to be like this again next year, I'm likely to go teach in Pennsylvania. I hear the grass is greener there.

How you doin?

This is a phrase that Irene and I found very comical when we first moved to DE. It's just so stereotypical. It brings thoughts of Joey from "Friends" with his smooth smile and even smoother pick-up line, "How you doin?" Anyway, in poking fun of it, it has now become a regular part of my vocabulary but lately I really have to think about it when someone asks. Things haven't been great here and when someone asks me how I'm doing I really think to myself, "How am I doing?" My most common response right now has become, "I'm surving another day." And if further inquiry ensues I simply say, "I'm taking one breath at a time." More and more I'm concentrating on today because it's the only thing I can control. Maybe that's the lesson God's trying to teach me right now. Maybe I've been looking so far down the road that I haven't been concentrating enough on today. Well, I don't even want to think about tomorrow because the possibilities of what could happen tomorrow are too overwhelming. I'm just surviving today. At times, I'm even stopping to make sure I'm actually breathing and take a second to intentionally breathe. So far, today is fine and tomorrow is an eternity away!

1 year in the books

I am currently sitting in my classroom watching as my last final exam of the school year is being taken. The first year at a new school is always the hardest. It's especially been hard because: 1. It's a completely different state. 2. I went from a 7-period/day schedule to a block schedule. 3. I am teaching from a completely different textbook. 4. I teach one more section than I did last year. 5. My class sizes are about 75% larger than last year. 6. There's no in-school athletics. 7. I am teaching three different levels of class compared to teaching just one level last year.

Needless to say, it's been an adjustment. The good thing is, I am really looking forward to next basketball season because I have been offered the position of head girls basketball coach and accepted, of course. That's a goal I reached about 2 years earlier than expected.

It's nice to get this year out of the way! Thank God for summer vacations!

Autism Treatment?

You should go to this website www.ageofautism.com and read the latest entry. I regularly read the blog of John Elder Robison and can recall about a month ago when he talked about starting this experimental treatment. It's really exciting to me that there might be some true possibilities coming out of it. Mr. Robison is someone who is very intelligent and, although aspergian, can truly express himself, at least in the written word. This makes for a good test subject because he can relay the differences he feels with accuracy. I'm always excited to hear about possible treatments for autism and hope that one day we can afford some of them.

Right and Wrong

This, as a teacher, is something I deal with in different degrees on a daily basis. For instance, I had a student today offer me a 62" plasma TV if I would give him an "A" in my class. A couple of years ago, a student offered me $150 or some "good drugs" just to pass him. Lately, I've been talking to a few of my students about the O.J. Mayo situation. In case you don't know, this is a college basketball player who allegedly has been receiving money under the table from a sports agent since he was a sophomore in high school. One student in particular told me that, through playing AAU basketball, he has met lots of players who are receiving money and gifts from agents and college coaches. He went as far as to say that, if they were offering it to him, he'd take it, too. I discussed with him why this is wrong and what can happen. In the end, like in the case of O. J. Mayo, there may not be a lot of consequences for anyone except for the school that he has just left to join the NBA (he just declared representation by the sports agent that had allegedly been giving him money). My student responded by talking about what you should do if you're really poor. I told him that doing the right thing isn't easy, it's just right. I truly believe this and try really hard to stick to it. A lot of people don't like Bobby Knight because of the way he coaches. I don't like the way he coaches, either. There are two things I respect about him, though. In 40 years of coaching, few coaches compare to him when it comes to graduation rate of players. Also, he has never come under question for violating any rules. Those are two things I hope that can be said about me when my time coaching is done. How might things change if people weren't so driven by the almighty dollar? Ethics seem to be no more than a college class taken only because it is required for some degrees. It seems to be one of those that you do just enough to pass and forget it all when you're done.