Moved to tears

I was reminded last night of something I heard said by Jim Valvano. For those of you who don't know who that was, he was, in simplest terms, a coach. He is most commonly known as Jimmy V and he died of cancer. At the ESPN, Espy Awards a few years back, they gave Jim Valvano an award and he gave a speech that rings through those who heard it being punctuated with the words, "Don't give up! Don't ever give up!" Those aren't the words I was reminded of. The ones that came to me last night were part of a list of things someone should do on a daily basis. One of those things was, "...be moved to tears..."
Last night, I was moved to tears. I was watching a show on ESPN called E60. It's like the sport's version of 60 Minutes. Anyway, there was a segment about the mascot from The University of North Carolina that died in a car accident. This young man made the choice, a very verbal emphatic choice, to be an organ donor. His organs were donated to at least four different people. All of these people were brought back from the brink of death. The parents of this young man received an opportunity to meet these recipients and vice versa.
I was doing well up until the point where it showed the meeting. At that point, for some reason, I couldn't hold back the tears. This young man's choice gave one man the ability to go back to work on his farm, another man went from being bed-ridden to being able to spend time with his teenage children, yet another will now be able to watch his young children grow up and last, a teenage boy will be able to try out for the high school basketball team. Just to see the mixture of emotions, not just the elation for a new lease on life, not just the thankfulness for the gift they had received but also to watch the guilt that some underwent because they lived while this young man had to die.
What else can I say? I was moved by the whole experience. In fact, moved to tears.

The scariest day in my whole life

Can you think of this? The scariest day? I'm pretty comfortable knowing what day this was for me. It was right about this time back in 2003 and I was studying in Mexico. Irene was back in Texas with the boys, James and John. I get a call one night in my dormroom from Irene. She starts by saying, "First of all, everything is fine; everyone is okay."
I knew something was wrong.
She proceeds to tell me that John got lost at school.
"What!?!"
Some of you may not understand what a risk it is having kids with autism out in an open area without the ability to be with them at all times. They don't know what it means to wander and that's exactly what John did. You see, at his school, there's a large playground and it is separated from a major road by chain-link fence. What, up to this point, had gone unnoticed was that there was a large drainage ditch that passed under this road and actually connected the playground with the neighborhood on the other side of this road.
Do you see where this is going?
Nobody noticed John wander away because there were 7 other kids in his class that were also drawing attention for whatever little autistic eccentricities they have. Nobody saw him disappear into the drainage ditch and then come up on the other side. All in all, he was missing for approximately 30 minutes. The school went on complete lockdown and doubled up classes so that teachers could help search the grounds. The police were called. The entire school was in a panic and, rightly so. My three-year-old autistic son was wandering around a neighborhood all by himself and nobody knew he was there. Then, God showed an older woman this small boy wandering around by himself without an adult in sight and he wasn't responding to her. She called the police who were already patrolling the area looking for him. They picked him up and took him back to the school.
I can't imagine Irene's true feelings through this. She arrived at the school to have the principal come out to her to tell her that John was missing. His teacher was so beside herself in tears that she couldn't even face Irene. And almost immediately after Irene received this news they received the call that John was found and was okay.
He was already lost and found by the time I heard the story but it still scared me more than anything that's ever happened to me. Just the possibilities of what could've happened. It still gives me a funny feeling just to think about it.
Thank God, He's watching out for us!

Openness

I have found that I can be a really "open" sort of person. I haven't always been this way and can have a tendency to put up a front. The thing is, I have gotten to the point where, once I've gotten to know someone a little, I'll pretty much answer anything about myself they want to know. Was I a jerk in high school? Yes, sometimes. Have you ever been drunk? Yes, many times. Do you still sin? Of course, all the time. Do you sometimes doubt God's plan for you or feel like it's not what you really want? Frequently. Have you ever been arrested? Yes, more than once.
You see, I'm comfortable putting a lot of these things on my blog and I may get an earful later from people who think you shouldn't put so much or reveal so much in a blog that anyone can see but, at times, inhibitions do just that. They inhibit you. I even tell a lot of these things to my high school students hoping that maybe they can learn first, that I'm not on some sort of pedestal as a perfect specimen to be seen and also, so maybe they can learn from some of my mistakes instead of making those mistakes on their own. I may be totally deluded in this idea but I hope not.

Ethics

So, what ethical dilemmas do you face on a regular basis. I find that, as an adult, it has actually become easier for me to face certain ethical dilemmas in an ethical manner. I think part of this comes because of my increased devotion to being a Christian and part also comes from witnessing what can happen when making unethical decisions. The hard part is, we tend to find the ethical choices to be the less popular ones. We might even receive ridicule for being honest. I pray these days that God always gives me the strength to do the "right" thing instead of what everybody else is doing. Thinking of it in that manner makes me think that maybe I'm just getting old enough to not be swayed by peer pressure. Maybe I'll be eating these words in a few years. I pray that I won't.

Why do we do it?

This is a question that I believe every teacher asks themselves from time to time. Especially when you teach at a school that one might consider "rough around the edges." I teach in such a school. I have taught in such a school for the past 2 1/2 years and moved to one that is pretty much the same. Yesterday, I asked myself this question. Sometimes, when I start getting angry or frustrated with my students, I actually have to tell myself that it does not affect my job if they fail. If they try desperately to make it hard on me, I don't have to actually care whether they pass or fail my class. Is it wrong for me to tell myself that? Part of me says, "yes" and part says, "no." In fact, yesterday, I told a class that was being extremely rowdy and disrespectful that if they didn't want me to care whether they passed or failed that I could turn it off like a switch. I want my students to be successful but what price do I have to pay for them to come to my class ready to learn. It doesn't matter how good of a teacher I am. If they don't want to learn, they're not going to learn. My wife, many times, worries about the things I say to my students. I'm not really good at "beating around the bush." I pretty much say what I think my students need to hear, and, sometimes the truth hurts. I work really hard to prepare my students for the next level and tell them up front what the next level looks like. Some "get it" and some don't. In the end, I can only do so much. I really do want to make a difference in the lives of my students and I know that I may never see if I have actually made an impact. I can only try to continue to do what I think is right. Currently, it's not just the students that make me rethink my career timeline. It's also the support I get from the school district (see previous post). I planned on teaching and coaching high school for the next 10-12 years. That may be shortened to 1-3 years depending on where God wants me to be. I just trust that He opens the doors that I should walk through.
Why do we do it? Because we think we might be making a difference. There's no glory, no big paycheck and rarely do we even get a pat on the back. If that was what I was waiting on, I would have already left.

Fast Times at Newark High

So, I've completed almost 3 full weeks of work at new high school and I'm adjusting okay. It's interesting, and at times, disheartening to see how different the schools are in Delaware. First of all, at least in the school district that I work, technology sucks! From my TV not working, to not having the capabilities to show my students power point or digital pictures, to having to check out textbooks to my students by hand. It's not very pleasant having as many as 40 students in a single class, either. The students' behavior is about what I'm accustomed to but just a lot more of it. Also, there's coaching. I love to coach and enjoy every minute on the floor ten times more than the classroom. Here, I won't even see the court until November. It's a little depressing :( On top of everything, I've already had to help break up a fight. Oh, and it wasn't just a scuffle. One girl was beating another girl to a pulp! It was wild! Hopefully, I'll be able to finish writing a grant that would get me a laptop and an LCD projector. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Extremely Frustrated

So, as part of having this new teaching job in Delaware, I have to jump through a few hoops first. I have to get a TB test, I have to get my former school district to send employment verfication, get fingerprinted by the State of Delware, get a drug screening within 36 hours of being told I need one, send transcripts, get a Delaware teaching license and, last, get my doctor to sign a paper that says that I don't have any diseases, physical defects or mental health problems. I have jumped through every hoop except the last one. It's not because I haven't tried but it's because my doctor was on vacation the week between finding out this information and moving to Delaware. And she refuses to sign my form without examining me. Now, the HR person at the school district said specifically to me that it was not about having a physical. It was just to confirm the other information. In part, I understand my doctor's reluctance to sign the paper but, at the same time, even when I have had allergy problems and have gone to see her, I have called in later to get more medication for the same problem. She won't just call it in. She has to see me AGAIN! I know, I know. She has every right to want to see me before calling in medication for me. We're spoiled I guess by the fact that most other doctors we've ever had would be able to give an over-the-phone consultation and decide whether we should be seen or not. This woman has never talked to me over the phone until today to tell me that she would not sign my form. So, my insurance in TX expires today and I won't have any insurance in DE until Sept. 1. So, I have to find a doctor within the next couple of weeks to sign my form and not charge me through the nose for it. That should be easy, right?